I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
