I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
