there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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