Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Two words: blizzard sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
