I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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