i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Alive.
So much puke
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
