shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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