i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
even my farts smell like vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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