Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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