i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
