Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
