I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
