Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
