Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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