there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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