Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Randomize
