And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
