Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
