You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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