if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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