Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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