Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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