It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
