I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
