y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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