..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want a musical about memes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
