Fine. I'll sleep in my office
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
