I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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