this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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