He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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