Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
