Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
