I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
