OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
