turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am one with the molecules
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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