I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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