Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
