he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
