if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My hand turned me down
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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