it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
