Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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