It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
