I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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