I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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