umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
