When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
