Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
