ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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