You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
