During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
