look no pants
I seem to have left my pride at pride
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
