I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
