You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
