I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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