i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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