I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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