Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
