I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
