oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
