he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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