somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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