I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
