Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
