nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
