You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have already put on my inside pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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