So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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