I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize