her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
