mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Watching her eat just hurts me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
