Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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