who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
