I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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