Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
