wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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