you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
