No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
