Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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