theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
