she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
