did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A+ Viking dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
