Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
