The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
