did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
