i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
