Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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